I was sitting on my couch watching TV when I heard a knock at the door.I got up and went to open the door. I opened the door and There was a black suited mysterious man. I looked inside his jacket and there was a pistol.
" I am from the Fort Langley police department." Right when I heard that I thought,
"What did I do? The police officer said that there has been a murder in my next door neighbour's house. He also said that there was evidence that I did it. But I didn't. How could there be evidence. The officer said that there was my blood on the floor. I told them that they just moved in last night.
"Well the people in there didn't last very long, they're dead." The next week they decided to ask if I had any brother or sisters.
"Yes I have a brother." so the next evening they suddenly told me it was my twin brother. But the mystery is why did he do it.
You need a space after a period, and your storys a bit jumbled but i like it
ReplyDeleteMaybe you could change the I's in the beginning of your sentences to an adjective. I suggest that you can change the first line to, 'Sitting at the couch, watching my favourite show, When suddenly. You also need to be careful with your punctuations because you have some random capitals and you need to put commas on some of the parts.
ReplyDeleteGood effort and a creative story this week. However, your story is 174 words!
ReplyDelete