A new pet
As the Doorbell interrupted our movie, my mom got up to answer the door. The door opened and there it was.T There was a little puppy laying in a box with his ears flopping down like a bunny. I looked down the street but there was no sign of anybody.
"I can't believe someone would actually just leave there cute little dog on someone's porch," I said to mom.
" I know right?"
"Can we keep him?" I asked. She said yes. I looked around the box and there was a sticky note that read, bear. And that's what we ended up calling him. I always wanted a dog.
the end
You have a good story, but remember to capitalize Bear if it is the dog's name. I don't think you need to make the prompt so large, and you might want to re-write the sentence that includes the prompt, and the one after it, so you can make one sentence with it, which would help the flow. For example, you could change it to 'The door opened and there it was, a little puppy laying in a box...' and continue on with your sentence.
ReplyDeleteGreat job with your story this week! It is very creative and different from everyone else's.
I think you don't need to capitalize the doorbell on your first line but you need to capitalize the name of the dog. For your title I think it should be capitalize for all the words. Great job on your story !
ReplyDeleteGreat job on your story but when someone speaks you need to make a new line.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to use the feedback given by your peers to make your writing stronger. Good job editing for punctuation especially when using dialogue. I can tell you have spent time revising and editing your writing.
ReplyDelete