"mom can we go get ice cream from the Cream makers. I heard that it was one of the best ice cream stores in the whole world.
"okay honey. As long as it is not to expensive."
"Yay!" As i joined the queue I looked around to see all the other people eating there glimmering flavors of ice cream. Can't wait till I get some. After I got my ice cream I sat down at the nearest table and started licking away. this was the most delicious, most flavored ice cream I have ever tasted in my life.
On your first line Mom should be capitalized. I think you forgot the closing quotation mark on the first sentence. After the "As I joined the queue", you should put a comma. On the 4th line I think you mean their instead of there. The thing I like about your story is its not confusing.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to capitalize the T in This in the last sentence, as well as everything Negative Zero said. Also, You need a capital when the mom is speaking. When the mom is speaking, you have the wrong to in there. It should be too, with two o's. I think your story will be reallu good once you clean it up a bit.
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