"Ya I know right" he yelled back at me.
Then we hit the half way mark. Seriously how high is this mountain. I was feeling like my legs were going to fall off. After about a half an hour we got to the top. I looked out of the bushy trees and I saw a magnificent view.I looked around and there was people with red umbrellas every where. I looked back at the view and the mountain was floating on the clouds.
yay ryan did it
You need a comma after hah at the very beginning. I also think you should say he instead of that in the first sentence. Grouse Grind should be capitalized, and you need a comma after ya, and after right. Remember to use closing quotation marks after hard, and also check your spelling of seriously. You need a question mark after this mountaion. You are sometimes confusing past and present tense and I think you could work to make it flow. You can't have half and hours, plural, and you spelt ovation wrong. You didn't finish the second to last sentence, because you end it with soggy. Your story is pretty good. I especially like the end where you loose your money.
ReplyDeleteOn the 5th line I think you meant too instead of to. You spelt seriously wrong. I think your story is good overall.
ReplyDeleteYou misspelled seriously but other than that your story's pretty good.
ReplyDelete