Thursday 7 January 2016

100 WC week 1

100 word challenge week one by expired milk


Donaldson just woke up. He climbed all the way up to the deck and he saw a humongous crew walking around doing their own job. Donaldson was late for his job. He climbed all the way up to the seeker's spot. He took his telescope and started looking out in to the never ending sea. After about a hour he spotted a ship coming towards him at full speed. He screamed to the captain.
"Ship coming in!"
"Everybody to there stations!" 
" If we win this battle then everyone gets a cupcake that looks like a guy is chopping down a tree"the captain yelled. Donaldson got down from the seekers view and got his sword and his gun. He was ready for battle. 
"Take cover!" a man yelled. Donaldson forgot that the ship was going to try to ram them. They did and the whole crew died, even Donaldson. The other ship celebrated with cupcakes. The cupcakes looked like they were just about to fire a cannon.



The End 
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3 comments:

  1. Expired milk7 January 2016 at 09:42

    In the second paragraph, you need a capital for ship. The word 'everybody' at the beginning of the third paragraph needs to be capitalized.

    I'm not sure how this ties in with the photo, except for the part about cupcakes. I also think that you might want to have longer sentences, because your sentences are a bit short and choppy, especially at the beginning.

    Your story is well written, and there are no other mistakes that I can see.
    by Cocopuff

    ReplyDelete
  2. Negative Zero7 January 2016 at 18:24

    The story was great but I suggest if you could put more details about the picture.

    ReplyDelete
  3. jjmonkey13 January 2016 at 19:27

    Try changing ship coming in to maybe something with more enthusiasm but overall great story.

    ReplyDelete

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